


I can't love her

by Intersteller_Pumpkin



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Angst, F/F, Mental Illness, mild selfharm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-17
Updated: 2020-08-17
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:41:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25951591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Intersteller_Pumpkin/pseuds/Intersteller_Pumpkin
Summary: Azula experiences horrifying hallucinations while in the asylum and ty-lee goes to visit her.
Relationships: Azula/Ty Lee (Avatar)
Kudos: 30





	I can't love her

Azula's POV  
\---  
Breathe in breath out. Dodge. Kick. Breathe in breath out don't think, don't think. Breathe in bre- Azula span around twisting her body almost 90 degrees seeing a flash of pink through the narrow slit of her prison door. She shook slowly clearing her thoughts. Breathe in. Breathe out. The barely discernible note of laughter wafted past her here barely noticeably. A tremor ran up her span in fear.   
"No. I don't get scared. I can't love her. I'm Azula princess to the fire nation rightful rul-" her monologue was cut short by another flash of pink. No. No. Breathe in. Breathe out. Dodge. Kick. They will stay away if you train, father will love you, father will come for you. Azula span to face the wall calming her rapidly beating heart slowly moving her feet and arms in a traditional fire bending stance. Dodge. Kick.   
"Azula....". A childish voice breathed pitifully in her ear. She froze. Breathe in. Breathe Out. “Why did you fail?". Breathe in breath out. Crescent-shaped lumps began to form on her hand from where her chipped nails dug into palm. The sound of Giggling bounced off the moldy cell words cutting through the princesses’ brain like one of Mai’s throwing knives. "Why so sad? Cheer up your aura is so grey...". Breathe in breath out. Her nails dug a little harder into her palms, her golden eyes beginning to burn with the strain of barley concealed tears. "look at me Azula!" The voice suddenly shouted in her right ear causing her to jump slightly. "THAT IS AN ORDER YOU INSULATE CHILD" this voice was different, it was steely, powerful, and distinctly male. On reflex, she turned to obey her father's words even before her brain caught up to her. 

The atrocities were always different but the same. Azula's golden eyes caught a flash of crimson and pink before screwing her eyes tight. "Open your eyes child." Ozai crooned this time in her ear knowing she would not disobey. The sight was ghastly. Ty Lee sat lotus style on Azula’s cot smiling sweetly as ever-glowing even in her pink attire. The princess's heart skipped a beat forcing the smile to slip off her face. She simply watched, knowing what was to come next but preying it would not. "Do it," Ozai whispered in her ear. She took a step back, "No... Not this please.".   
"YOU DARE CHALLENGE YOUR FIRE, LORD?" The voice roared in crescendo. Azula was not weak, not by any measure. But in the face of her father's wrath, her bones rattled, and her confidence wavered like a leaf in the wind. "Please don't make me. "She whispered in a hoarse voice to the floor. The stench of stale rice wine and disappointment wafted into her nose as though Ozai stood directly in front of her. He didn't need to say another word. One bare in front of another Azula walked across the cell to Ty Lees still smiling face. 

"Hello, my love why so glum?". Azula simply stared at her. She must. She must. Breathe in. Breathe out.   
"DO IT!" Ozai roared causing her to jump and Ty-lees smile to slip slightly.   
"yes, my lord." Azula set her features igniting her hand into a black flame. Not red. Not Blue. Black. With her free hand, she reached to Ty-lee cradling her face in it. She stared back at her grey orbs trusting and full of love. Azula fraught the fire forward holding it to Ty-lee's head as she is screaming in agony. The sound bounced off the walls through Azula’s brain, Ty-lees pained movements reverberating through Azula's hands. 'Surely the guards will come now? please let them come and end this'. They did not. Ty-lee flesh popped and dripped onto Azula's open palm filling f the room with the nauseating smell of burning flesh. Azula did not stop until she saw movement out the corner of her eye signaling her father's approval. Her stomach swam as she softly laid Ty-lees charred remains back to the cot, wiping the excesses off her hand onto her tattered prison garments. Azula herself slowly sank to her knees almost in preyer beside Ty-lee diagonal to where she knew her father must be.   
"Good. You truly are the monster your mother knew you were." Her father spoke in something that bordered on approval and disgust. Azula smiled shakily eyes welling with tears "Thank you father. I am how you have made me.". She sensed movement, suspecting him to be nodding again. Without another word, the presence of Ozai was gone leaving Azula to kneel in front of Ty-lee. 

\----------------  
Ty-Lees POV.  
"Hi Wang, I'm here to see this princess!" Ty-lee sing songed smiling brightly as ever through her thick Kyoshi warrior makeup. Wang grimaced in response, "Today is not a good day."  
Ty-lee's smile diminished ever so slightly, "when is it ever?". To this Wang could do nothing but shrug looking her up and down assessing her uniform just as every other day, before nodding and flicking his hand in a motion to open the asylum gates. She bowed respectfully as was fire nation custom before walking through the gate. She was stopped by a soft grip to her bicep by none other than Wang, "....Good luck.". She nodded letting the smile slip off her face completely in seriousness. 

The path to the princess’s cell was decidedly unpleasant, the winding corridor covered in mold and dust a testament to the lack of sunlight offered to this area of the asylum. Fire Lord Zuko had had it specifically dug in order to accommodate the extra fire bending features known to be possessed by Azula, hoping to deter her essence strength and skill by separating her from the fire benders power source. Ty-lee didn't know nor want to the side effects of such an action only that it seriously gave her the creeps. In no time alone she stopped in front of Azula’s cell. A large metal bolted door adjourned with four heavily armed guards stood at attention signifying the princess’s confinements. She could just barely make out the inside of the darkroom through the small opening in the center of the door designed for outside observation and feeding. Nodding to who she knew to me Lee, Tom, Jeuo, and Beu she stepped forward to open the door. They didn't bother asking for identification knowing Ty-Lee as she came every month on the same day, not knowing however why she did it. 

The door creaked loudly from misuse as Ty-lee crept into the cell. She was momentarily blinded from the lack of light in the cell choosing to remain silent as she waited for her eyes to adjust. When they did, however, she let out a little gasp of horror. Azula was sitting hunched over arms chained behind her back, ankle strapped to the floor. Her eyes were glassy with a steady stream of blood making its way down her neck and a slim strip of drool coming out the corner of the princess’s mouth. Her hair was tangled and even more uneven since the last time she had seen her. Her clothes were torn, and tattered barley held together enough to consider her decent, various burn and scar marks were visible even from the position Ty-Lee stood in at the door. Snapping herself out of her horrified daze she crept into the room. Wang hadn't been lying, Ty-lee doesn't even remember seeing Azula this bad.

"Zula? Can you hear me." Ty-lee crept forward as though approaching a trapped animal. Azula didn't react continuing to stare at the ceiling as blood oozed from a cut on her head. Ty-lee looked at her. She was barely a shadow of her former self, she could barely stand to look at her. She reached out a pale shaking hand to brush one of Azula’s hands out of her face before she scrambled backward as Azula let out a crazed howl. 

"ZULA?? AZULA ITS ME???" Azula sat up straighter face pointing towards her but eyes looking straight through her. "Can you see me, Zula?". Azula didn’t react save for a few tears slipping down her cheeks unchecked. Ty-lee began to cry she as well doesn’t recall ever seeing the girl cry. She had heard it, though she would never admit to anyone much less Azula, on some of those sleepless nights she had wandered the palace. But she had never seen Azula cry. They simply stared at each other Azula chained to the wall while Ty-lee squatted. 

"Get out." Ty-lee was startled out of her reverie. Yes, she had visited every month but not once had Azula spoken to her other than grunts or blank stares. She wasn't even sure she could still.   
"What?"  
"I said get out". At this, she looked so small, so tired, so very her age. Ty-lee shook her head not breaking eye contact. Once again, she tried to reach out to Azula. At this something switched in Azula, her eyes grew wide and her smile grew crazed. Breathing in deeply a jet of vibrant blue flame burst from her mouth in an action had never seen before. Sure, she had heard Zuko and Katara talk about it but she had never actually believed them. She managed to twist her body backward and into a flip just in time to avoid the blast. Azula stared at her manically cackling all the while before breaking into hysterical crying. Ty-lee just stared shocked slowly backing away to the opposite wall. She had never seen Azula act this way.   
"I loved you so much, I loved you so much, I loved you so much, I loved you so much, you broke me YOU BROKE ME!" She seethed pulling on her chains looking glassily through Ty-lee once more.   
Ty-lee stared some more mouth agape. No. NO. Azula wasn't...Wasn't capable of love. She had loved Azula. They had been. They had been lovers! But she could not accept being loved in return she was a ploy, she was a porn. Suddenly Ty-lee felt the righteous rage she had felt not unlike on the boiling rock in which she had protected Mai.  
"You don’t love me. YOU DONT LOVE ANYBODY YOU USED ME!? I LOVED YOU FOR YEARS?? AND YOU USED ME YOU ABUSED ME YOU...WHY!?" She suddenly shrieked launching off the wall to sit in front of Azula pulling on her prison rags. Azula's head lolled slightly and her eyes drifted off to somewhere behind Ty-lees shoulder. "FUCKING TELL ME!?" Ty-lee screamed once again slamming her open palm against Azula’s face. It can back sticky with blood having connected with the cut on the back of her head. Azula's eyes cleared slightly and she smiled. Ty-lee's eyes widened in shock. The smile was small and chapped and her lips were slightly bleeding from the force of Ty-lee's slap, but it was honest and sincere and so entirely not Azula that Ty-lee was once again at a loss for words.   
"I love you. I loved you. You broke me." Azula said softly with a care so unfit and so unlike anything Ty-lee had heard before. Azula leaned forward more and kissed Ty-lees cheek with reverence. It was enough for Ty-lee to stand and scramble away. Without warning, Azula slammed her head back against the brick behind her causing ty-lee to jump. And again. And again. 'well at least that explains the blood.'  
"WHAT IN AGNI'S NAME ARE YOU DOING?"  
"I won't I WON’T DO IT DONT MAKE ME FATHER DONT MAKE -" Azula cut herself off face dropping and straightening into a hardened mask before once again breathing fire at ty-lee. However, this time she didn't stop. She didn't stop until the room was alight with black and blue flames swirling, and Ty-lee was forced to leave the room chased away following the sound of Azulas maniacal laughter.

As the metal door slammed behind her and the guards cast her scared and confused glances, she managed to make out the sound of heavy breathing. "I can't love her."


End file.
